How Do You Decide Who to Marry?


Marriage is a huge commitment that people seem to embark on lightly these days, have you ever wondered if there is more to choosing your partner than attraction? I came across a post on Instagram by Joro Olumofin also known as the Love Doctor, that was for eligible bachelors in Nigeria. He stated that any lady who doesn’t pass at least 15 out of these tests is not wife material. This list is quite controversial and to be honest the list can be applied (with some variation) to women from all over the world. We often get caught up as women, focusing on what attributes men need to have to be husband material.

I have heard of people testing their future spouse prior to marriage, and as many of you know there are human beings who are expert chameleons. So, with that being said I’m not necessarily opposing the view and need to test your partner, however there are limits to this.


1: I’ve heard too many stories about females who look down their nose at men who do not have their own car. I remember one of my close friends telling me that he went to pick up a lady for a date and she stated that she thought he would have had a nicer car than the one he showed up in… RUDE. To be honest I told him that he should have left her at home and cancelled the date lol. Ladies, consider your response wisely when a man asks you out on a date using public transport, you never know what vehicle he is saving towards.

2: I agree, even I wonder what various females look like without their weaves, wigs and make up. This generation appears to be so superficial especially with the readily available filters on social media. Ladies I’m not saying don’t dress up and feel good but remember who you are without your make up on and be comfortable with showing him that. At the end of the day, that is the face he will be waking up to every morning, he has a right to see it.

3: Again ladies, your response here is very important. I will never understand why some women go on dates with men when they do not have any money. As for me I do not like embarrassment and therefore I ensure that I am always prepared. However if a man did this to me on a date, I would think he was playing games. I would pay, but to get me to go on a second date would be very hard. I would hope that I would be able to laugh, once he says that it was a joke, however if he referred to it as a test, I’m not sure I would find the amusement in that.

4: Your partner losing their job is something unavoidable in most instances, so as a woman it requires you to be understanding.  Testing your partner by saying you have quit your job to become a DJ or barber, is pushing it in my opinion. Reason being that surely she would already know the dreams that you wish to pursue and share your vision. If my partner quit his job without discussing it with me, I would be upset because I always say the relationship is a practice run for your marriage. Making such a decision without me shows a lack of communication on his part.

5: This is an ineffective test in my opinion because I personally don’t believe in cohabitation. I am also not a fan of men who do not know their way around the kitchen, it is an important life skill to possess and to be of the opinion, that only women should know how to cook is ridiculous. I know men want their wife to be able to throw it down in the kitchen but this is taking it too far.

6: Not an issue in my opinion, especially if you ascribe to a religion. Even if it is not for religious reasons, you have to consider whether or not you are ready to abstain from sex for a considerable amount of time without cheating on your partner. If you know you are unable to do so, speak up and move on.

7: If your partner does not ascribe to a religion then they will never understand your reasons for wanting to do become a Pastor, Imam, Rabbi etc. If you are a religious woman this may still be difficult because this would require serious faith. Faith that God will provide and that your partner truly heard from God that this is his calling.

8: If you haven’t already check out my friend’s recent podcast – #ConvoWithVesBlake ( This was discussed and it was stated that if the mood is right it doesn’t matter where you take her. Dating is the process of getting to know someone and you can do that in a coffee shop etc. he doesn’t need to spend his entire wages on taking you the Shard just to win you over.

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9: Beards are the new thing to have, if you can grow one then great, if you can’t oh well. Ladies when he starts to lose his hair are you going to leave him?

10: Are you my boyfriend or my dad/ uncle? Absolute Rubbish! Yes respect your man but this is just extra!

11: Propose without a ring? Well this depends on your norms and values. See the post below, personally when I read it, I admired her and could totally see her rational but to say that is what I would want, I would be lying.


12: Quite simply No. What happens to our honeymoon period? Establishing ourselves as a married couple? There would have to be a pretty good reason as to why you would suggest this and even then, I would rather rent somewhere for them to stay rather than them live in our home during our first few years of marriage. Those of us that are of African heritage know that once you move your in-laws into your home, they will never leave.

13: Again this depends on your religious persuasion and how devout you are. Personally not an issue, because I am more than just a Sunday worshipper.

14: I don’t even know where those places are, but basically the test is could you put away the cosmopolitan lifestyle and move to a quieter location? I could, as long as I’m with him and my children what does it really matter? Everyone knows how to travel and as long as there are good schools, etc. why not.

15: It’s not really a big deal but this depends on how you portray yourself on social media. It is a bit annoying having parents, aunts etc. on your social media because every two seconds they will make comments.

16: That is just a useless test for me personally because our relationship would be over. How can you father a child during the period that we are dating and expect me to stay! Check out my post He Cheated: What Now?

17: We can get married and you can still study, I don’t see why we would have to wait. If I met you whilst you were studying, fair enough but if you brought it up as were dating and making plans towards marriage, I would be less inclined. We can do the court wedding and wait to do the big wedding once you have graduated but to put everything on hold for 3-5 years, NO.

18: What’s my own? That’s your business if you like learn to cook, if you like don’t. Feeding you is not actually my responsibility until after marriage and even then you should still know how to cook basic meals if I am not around.

19: I’m not familiar with these channels but I guess the equivalent would be not watching ratchet TV programmes such as Love and Hip Hop and Keeping up with the Kardashians. Not a problem but you would have to explain your rationale. I would understand if the reason was wanting me to watch more edifying TV shows.

20: I’m not sure I would agree to this. I would rather just pay for it myself if that is the case. I only plan on getting married once, and I am such a visual person that my wedding photographs are very important to me. I would understand him wanting me to wear natural make up on the day, he need’s to be able to recognise his bride.

Ladies and Gentlemen if you want to test your partner, do so based on your own norms and values. Don’t be influenced by what society tells you men and women should be doing.

Stay in your own lane.


Image Credits: from GIPHY

2 thoughts on “How Do You Decide Who to Marry?

  1. Sarah Alonge says:

    LOL Joro has definitely lost the plot! Yeah about that…..1000% agree with your responses. I am really not down for extreme tests or actions that aren’t even obtainable. I remember a wife from my church telling me that once she started an argument for no reason at all just to see her husband’s response to it. it worked for her but others tried and it backfired. In short, it is good to ‘test’ and I mean ‘test’ reactions to genuine situations e.g. if I am late to a date does he buss a switch, give me the silent treatment all night, accept my apology but tell me he was upset etc etc. The bible does say to test every spirit but there is a difference between test and provoking to anger! Try ME NOT! Good Read Tomi x

    Liked by 1 person

    • mstomilola says:

      Exactly everyone has to be reasonable and also be guided by the spirit and not the flesh. Imagining ruining a good thing not because of the test but because of the lengths you took to test the person. There are some things that I just wouldn’t find funny and being woken up at 3am to cook eba is one of them 😂 thanks for reading Sarah x

      Liked by 1 person

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