Below is a piece I wrote in 2009. Its amazing how words can take you back to a period of confusion and hurt. Love and Hate represent a relationship that is filled with flaws and inadequacies. Ultimately they start to question whether they can stand the test of time?
You imagine that you have everything then one day you ask yourself, is it all worth it?
Does hate really love me? Or if our love starts to die am I replaceable?
L.H are the initials engraved on my heart
Does that mean I love myself or that I love hate?
The feeling of emptiness comes every now and again
Why is that? Is God testing my faith? Is the devil trying to destroy me?
Worse of all am I trying to destroy myself, do I not want to be happy?
Love who are you? Why do you bring me tears of joy and sadness?
When my heart aches for you I wonder if yours does the same
If our love was equal, you wouldn’t disregard me and make me feel insignificant
Leaving me with insecurities, and so many thoughts running through my mind
Unable to think straight, wanting to cry but refusing to release those feelings
My weakness is you, the yearning to call you and scream I’m sorry but then pride appears
A deadly sin that we as humans possess that barricade our emotions
Our unwillingness to expose our inner child of not wanting to be disliked
My dark side scares me, it’s the side that says fuck it, fuck you and fuck him
The vengeful side that I know doesn’t come from God
Yet it seems to provide me comfort in a strange way
Comfort that I once received from you and God
I search deep in the depths of my soul and open my heart to my father
While in my resting place, God mercifully understands that I’m only human
The light enters the darkness and I’m covered with this feeling of adequacy
There are many women out there, what makes me special?
What stops you from going home with them tonight whilst I’m sleeping
Sleeping, believing that your mine and you are in your bed alone
Even if you believe that you couldn’t commit this crime against love
Your surroundings determine your behaviour
Boys will be boys is the expression isn’t it?
Love and hate are they compatible?
Why must they feed off each others insecurities?
Love feels inadequate, Hate feels unloved
When do they ever feel whole? Maybe love needs to be hated in order to blossom
And hate needs to be love in order to soften and release its full potential
It’s potential to love unconditionally and with its willingness to accept its faults
Love and hate walk hand in hand looking deep into each other
Can love exist without hate?
When hate is lost who finds it? Isn’t it love.
Love will always find you as long as you don’t hide.
Ultimately, God is Love, Love is You and You are Me.