I can admit that some days I just don’t feel like myself.
Some days I struggle to like what I see in the mirror.
Honestly, some days I just look at myself and wonder how I got so “fat”.
I am currently uncomfortable in my own skin.
Now when I say fat, I mean fat in my own eyes. I am in no way under the illusion that I am obese but I am bigger than what I have been in the past and what I would like to be. Many of you will read this and say “well do something about it!” Well how about it’s just not that easy. I wish I enjoyed working out but going to the gym is a struggle for me. What I want us all to realise is that we all have insecurities. No matter how beautiful you are in the eyes of the world, you will have your off days and that’s ok. I’ve learned to be more open in embracing these off days. I use them as motivation, either to choose better food options, work out or embrace my rolls and walk out of my home with my head held high!
I follow a variety of bold and beautiful women on social media, who are all so real in my eyes. Some of them are slim and athletic, whilst others are “big”. What has always struck me is that even the girls who are what the world would classify as “big”, exude so much confidence through their social media platforms. This gives me a much needed reality check because it is not actually about a person’s size, or what is acceptable in the eyes of society, it is about being confident in your flaws. I think one of my major frustrations is when my clothes become snug, which then leads me to refuse to buy clothes that are in the next size up.
Our body confidence should stem from our own standards. We cannot let the world tell us that size 6 is the way to go or that size 20 is too big. What I would say is that you need to make sure you are healthy in all areas of life (spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally). That is why I am committed to trying every day to make better life choices (including what I eat, which is so hard when you are a foodie). When I did lose weight, I was not consciously thinking about it. I was too busy living my life and ensuring that I was happy. Then one day I looked in the mirror and thought, oh hello there! Disclaimer, I think I actually have a fear of the scales, so I can’t actually tell you how fast I lost the weight. I do know that I lost 2 stones, which I discovered when I attended a general check up at the GP. I lost the weight just by being more conscious about what I ate. I was also way more active because I was commuting from South East London to Milton Keynes, five days a week. I used to wake up at 5am every morning and as I am not naturally a morning person, I always ended up running for my train.
I’m not ashamed to say I have been feeling quite low and not currently my usual confident self, due to my weight gain. I’m currently on a teatox and I want to see how much progress I’ll make this month by drinking at least 6 cups of herbal tea a day, including my usual 2 litres of water. Nonetheless, I am hopeful that as I take one day at a time, I will be able to get back to a place where I feel comfortable in my own skin, no matter what size I am.
It’s time to own your truth, there is no shame in your discomfort. Just make sure you do something about it, by your own standards remember. My current goal is healthy living, rather than weight loss and in that I’m learning to accept my body, flaws and all.
Be your own kind of beautiful.
Ms Tomilola 