I couldn’t believe my eyes, he shut her down before she even had a chance to fathom her response. Her soul screamed silently, only she could hear herself. Nonetheless, I could see she couldn’t take it anymore. She sat down defeated.
Her crown was no longer anywhere in sight.
“How did I get here?”
She looked around the room and asked
“How did I become that girl?”
Desperately, she waited for him to leave. With him gone, she can finally breathe. Immediately, like a gushing waterfall, it starts. She tried to stop it, but her body couldn’t contain the pain any longer. Slowly but surely her sobs turned into a wail, her heart cried out, finally she had a release.
“God help me”
She couldn’t continue to live in this cycle of dysfunction. Just because he didn’t physically hurt her didn’t make the pain that he inflicted on her mind and soul, any more bearable. This is painful to watch, she drags her feet through the life she once took elegant steps in. How does she admit to herself that she just isn’t happy. He doesn’t make her happy. I could always see through her pretence. The battle was that the thought of being alone scared her more in this moment, than the thought of a life with him.
In the dark still night, frustrated she recalls his sweet lies.
“I’m ALL in”
I really wanted to ask her did she know what exactly he meant?
He’s ready… ready for what? Ready to lead her further down this path of destruction, where all she would have for company, were four brick walls?
When he wants her, she’s there before he even utters a word. She subconsciously became subservient to a man unwilling to pay her dues. You see as dysfunctional as it was she craved to be in his presence, because if she was with him then he couldn’t be with anyone else. He had a way of making her insecurities public and she hated it.
I hated it!
It was painful to look into her eyes, they seemed so empty and disconnected from life.
When did she become that woman who literally clung on to her man, in order to prevent his eye from wandering?
In the dead of the night, I saw her sit silently by his side, whilst he pranced around like the King he most definitely wasn’t. She had found herself sitting in places that were just not linked to her demeanour. Devastatingly, she had lowered herself to his standard. In order to ensure that he did not feel unable to attain her worth. She sold herself freely. I watched helplessly, she looked so absent minded. I wondered had she forgotten that Satan was once an angel?
It broke my heart to see her feel so disposable. On the days that he was self-sufficient, he would go days without speaking a word to her. He knew that she couldn’t take the silence. Yet he inflicted the pain anyway. She fell deeper and deeper into the dark abyss of hopelessness. I paused and said a prayer, “Father, Lord please take control of this situation and heal her heart. She doesn’t deserve this.”
I remember the day that she was ever so tired from a long day at work and all she craved was to lay in her bed. However, being the irritant that he was, he needed not be physically present in order to scratch her. She pondered how to soothe her raw skin, and found herself searching through her iPhone and clicking on his name.
They were the two players in this game of control and at this point she did not feel like losing. The phone rang, and rang and rang, no answer. “Well he can’t say I didn’t call”, she proceeded to attempt to find peace by shutting her eyes tightly. Then as luck would have it, guess whose name appeared on her iPhone, she rolled her eyes and answered.
“Hey baby, where are you?”
“I’m at home!”
“Oh really…can you come and pick me up?”
“Do you know how tired I am. I called you earlier as I was passing that direction and you didn’t answer!”
“I know baby, sorry. (pause) So can you come and get me?”
“sigh, but you know I’m tired..”
“fine I’m coming”
“thanks baby, I love you”
It broke my heart to see her suppress her tears, as once again she had caved in to a man who couldn’t even do half of what she does for him. He entered her car as if he was the king of the castle and gave her the Judas kiss. She can’t bare to look at him, as her anger was slowly boiling inside of her.
I can though, I look straight into his eyes and see nothing. All I see is a leech, sucking at her blood, bit by bit. Her heart no longer beats as strong, I can barely hear it.
As she laid beside this man, she realised that she can’t find her peace. Wide awake, she got up and made her way to the bathroom. She looked at her reflection, and all she could see were the deep etched lines that led to her heartache. A tear drops, as she realised that her beauty now resembled a roadmap of pain.
When did this happen?
Yet again, his words tore down her soul in the most intrinsic way. Ironically, it even appeared like a beautiful masterpiece. You see on the outside this queen, who can no longer see her crown, still looked like a diamond to the naked eye. However, if you were to pick up a magnifying glass you’ll see the striking cracks that deflect from her beauty. She wondered if her flaws were that great to deserve such a telling off. Is she that far from perfect that warrants his desire to destroy her soul?
She resorts to the only she knows how, she writes words that she is too scared to utter.
“I don’t like how you’re dealing with me”
Fortunately, for this beautiful princess, this man didn’t anticipate that her father had been watching over. He claimed to know The Father but knowing The Father and having a relationship with him are two very different things. If he truly had a relationship with The Father then he would have treated her better, with more care and more delicacy. Whatever struggles he himself was battling with, he would have still heard the still small voice say,
“Let her go, she’s not yours’
Awoken by the bright light of epiphany, she realised he broke her! She could no longer excuse the inexcusable. Today she realises that she deserves more, she needs more, and she wants more.
“I’ve made this decision without you.
It was needed, because for once in our whirlwind romance I am putting me first. Not you and not certainty your drama.
You see you can take all I have physically but you will not take my sanity.
God will surely restore my peace.”
What a blessing it is to replay the events of life through the eyes of a stronger woman.
©Ms Tomilola 2017
Disclaimer: This is a creative piece of art, that encapsulates the emotional abuse that women can endure in the name of love. Loosely based around true events. Inspired by life to raise awareness.