Some of you may be familiar with what a Jack-in-the-box is. It’s a children’s toy which seems to have followed us into adulthood. This toy is in the shape of a box that has a crank and when this crank is turned it plays a melody. Once the melody ends you are met with a surprise when the lid pops open and you see a clown or jester. Now here comes my analogy, the Jack-in-the-box that I am referring to is that person who you placed inside of a box to never be seen again for various reasons. Then consciously (and at times unconsciously) you and your actions and possibly theirs, start turning that crank and the sweet melody that plays, is the sweet sound of reminiscing about the good times. Then before you know it, Jack pops out and is very much present in your life again.
We’ve all received at some point or another the generic message of “hey stranger” or “hey let’s catch up”. If you could see me now you would have seen my eyes roll, now please don’t presume that I am cynical. I roll my eyes because of the subtexts of those messages.
I roll my eyes because these statements are usually followed by actions of inconsistency and lack of depth.
You see people hate to see you doing well without them and therefore I do not know what possesses them but they feel the need to come back into your life. I look back at the times that “Jack” just refused to stay inside of his box and I found myself calling one of my closest friends practically screaming down the phone that I WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE.
Why can’t he go away?
Why is he calling me?
Like really Jack, what do you want?!
You see I don’t think I’ll ever understand why “Jack” won’t stay inside of his box. I know he doesn’t just pop up by himself and therefore it leaves me trying to figure out how “Jack” finds his way out. Is there some sort of knack to locking him inside in the first place? By the way “Jack” could be male or female and this concept is related to both men and women.
No matter how old you are, you need to be consistent, determined and intentional about the people who have access to you in life. It wasn’t that long ago that I was asked to meet up with a gentleman who I had not spoken to in a while. However, call it pride or stubbornness, I stated that he shouldn’t feel obliged to take me out. I had also already told myself that this wouldn’t be a date and that it was strictly based upon a possible friendship (we cannot have had no contact for several months and you still think that I’m sitting here waiting for you). Therefore, I said ok, make arrangements and let me know the time and place. [insert pause] 2 ½ weeks to be precise and please ask me if I have been informed of the date of this said catch up?
So “Jack” I ask you, what was the point in you saying you wish to take me out?
Did I contact you first?
Did you just want to see my reaction?
Honestly, I’m intrigued to know why…
Regardless of “Jack’s” reasoning, as far as I am concerned this now gives me grounds to reject all future offers, without the guilt of being “mean”. Why? Because this person lacks consistency and one thing I am sure of is that I am more than an afterthought. If you wish to pursue me, court me, date me whatever term suits you, do you know what you’re going to have to work for it.
Don’t settle for the afterthought text messages, the late night booty calls, etc. Ladies and Gentlemen you are worth a person being decisive about you. Stop allowing people to drop in and out of your life as they like. Also as difficult as it may be, look at yourself, because let’s be real “Jack” can’t come in, if the door is well and truly shut (and locked).
P.S. “Jack” is not just one person, he represents men whom I’ve encountered who just couldn’t seem to make up their minds about me. But do you know what, I made the decision for them and never looked back!