Don’t you just wish Jack would stay inside of his box??

Some of you may be familiar with what a Jack-in-the-box is. It’s a children’s toy which seems to have followed us into adulthood. This toy is in the shape of a box that has a crank and when this crank is turned it plays a melody. Once the melody ends you are met with a surprise when the lid pops open and you see a clown or jester. Now here comes my analogy, the Jack-in-the-box that I am referring to is that person who you placed inside of a box to never be seen again for various reasons. Then consciously (and at times unconsciously) you and your actions and possibly theirs, start turning that crank and the sweet melody that plays, is the sweet sound of reminiscing about the good times. Then before you know it, Jack pops out and is very much present in your life again.

We’ve all received at some point or another the generic message of “hey stranger” or “hey let’s catch up”. If you could see me now you would have seen my eyes roll, now please don’t presume that I am cynical. I roll my eyes because of the subtexts of those messages.

I roll my eyes because these statements are usually followed by actions of inconsistency and lack of depth.

You see people hate to see you doing well without them and therefore I do not know what possesses them but they feel the need to come back into your life. I look back at the times that “Jack” just refused to stay inside of his box and I found myself calling one of my closest friends practically screaming down the phone that I WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE.

Why can’t he go away?

Why is he calling me?

Like really Jack, what do you want?!

You see I don’t think I’ll ever understand why “Jack” won’t stay inside of his box. I know he doesn’t just pop up by himself and therefore it leaves me trying to figure out how “Jack” finds his way out. Is there some sort of knack to locking him inside in the first place? By the way “Jack” could be male or female and this concept is related to both men and women.

No matter how old you are, you need to be consistent, determined and intentional about the people who have access to you in life. It wasn’t that long ago that I was asked to meet up with a gentleman who I had not spoken to in a while. However, call it pride or stubbornness, I stated that he shouldn’t feel obliged to take me out. I had also already told myself that this wouldn’t be a date and that it was strictly based upon a possible friendship (we cannot have had no contact for several months and you still think that I’m sitting here waiting for you). Therefore, I said ok, make arrangements and let me know the time and place. [insert pause] 2 ½ weeks to be precise and please ask me if I have been informed of the date of this said catch up?

So “Jack” I ask you, what was the point in you saying you wish to take me out?

Did I contact you first?

Did you just want to see my reaction?

Honestly, I’m intrigued to know why…

Regardless of “Jack’s” reasoning, as far as I am concerned this now gives me grounds to reject all future offers, without the guilt of being “mean”.  Why? Because this person lacks consistency and one thing I am sure of is that I am more than an afterthought. If you wish to pursue me, court me, date me whatever term suits you, do you know what you’re going to have to work for it.

Don’t settle for the afterthought text messages, the late night booty calls, etc. Ladies and Gentlemen you are worth a person being decisive about you. Stop allowing people to drop in and out of your life as they like. Also as difficult as it may be, look at yourself, because let’s be real “Jack” can’t come in, if the door is well and truly shut (and locked).

Ms Tomilola


P.S. “Jack” is not just one person, he represents men whom I’ve encountered who just couldn’t seem to make up their minds about me. But do you know what, I made the decision for them and never looked back!

18 thoughts on “Don’t you just wish Jack would stay inside of his box??

  1. juliettsstyleglam says:

    Great post. It’s super annoying when that happens, I’m actually experiencing something like that and it’s from a lady whom I’d known for a while and then she decided I wasn’t good enough and zapped out of my life. Lo and behold she’s back because she learnt I just completed my masters program and would like me to assist her in her own admission process. At this moment i’m tied in just because she needs my help and I would really love for us to be as distant as we were cos like you said, she doesn’t really need me per se and most likely after I’m done, I’ll probably be kicked to the curb again. what do you advise act the Christian that I am and help or just abandon the whole thing entirely.


    • mstomilola says:

      Thanks for reading I really appreciate it. I would say in general there’s nothing wrong with helping others as long as you put appropriate boundaries in place to protect you. Let her know that you can assist her from a distance, the admission process won’t last forever and therefore she may attempt to find another reason to stay in touch. Being upfront about your intention to help her on this one issue should avoid unnecessary future contact. If you can even signpost her to someone else in the same field even better. Make no apologies for being intentional about who has access to you and your time. x


  2. Mariam says:

    Great post! Closing the door on a ‘Jack’ was one of the best decisions I ever made. Lets just say this person wanted me to be their personal cheerleader but would never support me. When I started to become successful, this person popped up and not only tried to take credit for my success but also belittled my achievements.

    I realised this person only took an interest in my life because mocking it made them superior. I ignored all the other attempts to ‘pop up’ and I think they’ve finally got the message.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. katnapped says:

    Such a great post. I’ve had these “Jacks” in my life, as friends and as partners. I’m a firm believer that life is too short for sh*t relationships and if someone uses you as an emotional cashpoint, always taking and never giving, it’s high time to head out. Put the Jack in the box and throw the box away. Thanks for sharing hun.
    Katja xxx


  4. kittylimon says:

    Great post, I hate those people who take others for granted or just use them, I’ve had a few in my life, friends and family and it’s only as I’ve gotten older that I’ve had the strength and determination to cut them out of my life and focus on those (myself and otherwise) that deserve me, my attention and support 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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