Can we be friends?

I’m starting to wonder if I missed the memo, as it seems that friendship has now become the consolation prize for a potential relationship. The fact that the two go hand in hand these days is not in the way that we would generally expect. I don’t know about you but I was told that it was important to be friends with your significant other, nonetheless friendship seems to now be an acceptable runner up prize. I can’t count the number of times that I have kindly (sometimes bluntly) refused to accept a date from a man or exchange numbers with him to be met with the phrase “can we be friends?”

Are men under the impression that they can persuade a woman to change her mind about being with them, if she were to get to know him? To be honest, dependant on what kind of woman you are, is dependent on the reasons why you would reject a man in the first instance. Relationships usually stem from two people who know nothing about each other but may be physically attracted to one another, wishing to see what could happen. You can never truly know someone but you surely know them better when you are friends with them.  I am more inclined to be attracted towards a man who is able to capture my mind, you see beauty fades and what use is there in having a good looking man that has an empty brain!

On the flip side it can be quite irritating to be met with the cliché phrase “can we be friends?” when you feel as though you have made your intentions perfectly clear. I’ve been in situations whereby I have not wanted to come across as being mean therefore I have exchanged numbers with men I have no intentions of building a relationship with let alone a friendship. Then I find myself becoming frustrated with the regular WhatsApp messages of “how are you?” or phone calls. In no way am I blaming men here, you see somewhere along the line society has taught men that persistence is an attractive quality to all women and unfortunately for them, to this particular woman, persistence is an irritant. However, ladies let’s be real, to some degree we all want to be chased and no one wants to appear to be too eager.

This is where the communication between men and women differ, as some women say “I’m not interested” and really they mean “hey come and chase me”. Whilst another woman’s “I’m not interested” literally means I AM NOT INTERESTED. Men, sometimes take a step back and examine whether her actions align with her words. If a woman is truly playing hard to get and you take a step back, it is likely that she will get back in contact with you and from there you can follow her lead.

Ultimately, ladies and gentleman, the choice lies with us ladies. A man will follow his primitive instinct and chase who he finds appeasing to the eye and mind but ultimately whether that pursuit leads to a relationship or friendship lies in a woman’s ability to choose. Ladies, I do feel as though we need to be more consistent in aligning our words with our actions. I’m not saying openly tell the man you like him from the onset, but if you do like him don’t make his pursuit of you difficult to the point that you may possibly lose out on your good thing. Men, please don’t take the same approach with all women, pay attention and listen to the subtle hints that she gives you with her body language, her words and her actions and maybe, just maybe, her no will turn into a yes.

Ms Tomilola



11 thoughts on “Can we be friends?

  1. Sarah says:

    Great post! I like to be as direct as possible when it comes to relationships and I usually expect other people to be as direct too. Unluckily there are people out there that will always think that you’re just playing hard to catch when you say you’re not interested in them.


  2. katnapped says:

    I don’t agree with the comment before – why shouldn’t you give them your number if you’d like to be friends? I’ve given my number out to people on a night out so we can meet again (although admittedly that was before we could just add each other on social media immediately) and you know what, these men and women are still great friends of mine. But yeah, I see what you mean. Friendship does seem like a consolation prize when you put it into the context of being second best for a relationship. It does come down to the person who uses the phrase – it’s their responsibility to not give out the social cues that there is a chance the friendship will change, and it is the responsibility of the receptor to accept what is offered as it is offered, without personal agenda.
    Katja xxx


    • mstomilola says:

      Hey Kat thanks for reading & commenting I appreciate it. I think friendship is wonderful if we’re both on the same page. I’m referring to when guys offer you friendship in order to change your mind about a romantic relationship. Honesty and transparency is so important xx


  3. Sheri @ A Busy Bees Life says:

    I think there should not be any mind games or playing hard to get in relationships. I think if you like someone be open about it and move forward from that, if not then there is no point right? Offering friendship in the hopes a person will change their mind is assuming that she is into you and that she wants to be chased. That assumption might turn out to be wring though. LOL


  4. kittylimon says:

    I’ve found that being blunt with someone is best. If I’m not interested in being in a romantic relationship with someone I’ll tell them and if they say “can we be friends” then I always make sure that they understand that’s all we’ll be.

    Liked by 1 person

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