With a new season fast approaching (Goodbye Summer, Hello Autumn). I am reminded that no matter how hard we try, we can not escape change. During my early Twenties, I discovered that I did not like change very much. In fact the thought of change made me feel quite uneasy, as I was that girl who always had a plan and to be honest everything had to go to plan otherwise it would throw me off balance. I learnt very quickly that one of the things in life that I can not control, is the decisions that other people choose to make. How do you move on based on another person’s perspective, especially when 9 times out of 10 you can’t even fathom their decision making. My Twenty-Three year old self learnt very quickly that she can’t control the storms of life but she can control how she reacts to it.

Shift your mindset to consider that endings are actually beautiful new beginnings. Learning to say goodbye and letting go are powerful tools to use, when those who no longer consider themselves to have a place within your life, leave. Why force someone to maintain a position that you set aside for them, when their words and actions show you that they don’t know how to co-exist with excellence. Yes, Excellence, this is where you pause and remind yourself of who you are and who you wish to be. You are a man or woman who does not need to beg a single soul to love you. Be thankful for those who love you unapologetically and boldly, those are the relationships that should be maintained.

It is not easy to end chapters in your life that you once thought would stand the test of time, neither is it any easier to let go of someone you once loved. Break ups are prime examples of why it’s important to let things and people go who no longer serve a purpose in your life. Who wants to be used as a revolving door? I surely don’t and that is part of what helps me to not go back into my past reliving the “Good Times”. I’m happy to say that at this stage in my life I look back at the majority of it and smile fondly. I thank God that I have made peace with the past and it no longer impacts my view of the future.

At Twenty-Three, I was suffering from a broken heart, and it was very hard for me to envision the future, because the man I had planned to build that future with had left me. Yes I said it, HE left ME, there’s no shame in admitting that someone broke up with you. He was what the world would describe as my “First Love”. So imagine the pain I felt when I realised that my First Love was no longer going to live up to the promises that he once made. I vividly remember the day our relationship came to an end, and I decided (most likely through pain) that I would delete him from Social Media. However this was also an informed decision and not just one of impulse.

I knew that it would not help the healing process if I constantly saw him on my BBM or Facebook, so I had to protect my sanity. Imagine one day feeling sad, which is highly likely during a breakup, and seeing him having the time of his life through his status and display picture… really? So I avoided the possibility of seeing that and pressed Delete, Delete, Delete. Another decision I made, as I was due to move back to University to study for my Masters, was that all of our keepsakes and pictures etc. were to stay at my parents home. So when I moved into my new abode, there were no constant reminders of our failed relationship. I also ensured that I learnt the beauty in shutting out all of the noise and being alone, in order to make sense of my thoughts. 

Fast forward 5 years and were actually in a good place, I can be in his presence and not be angry or wonder what if? We have to remember that sometimes relationships are only meant for a season and for certain lessons to be learnt, and that’s OK. Anyone who is meant for you or meant to be in your life will stay without complaint. A person can have the best intentions towards you but unfortunately they just do not have the capacity to fulfil those promises (“Better not to vow than to vow and not to pay” – Ecclesiastes 5:5). You have to make decisions in life where your joy and peace is at the centre (sometimes you need to be selfish). Be OK with accepting the apology you never received, or accepting the reason why someone hurt you even though it will never make any logically sense to you.

One of my reminders of how to succeed in life is to never react the way people expect me to. If they think I’m going to be angry and shout, I’ve learnt to keep calm and choose my words wisely. Acting like this throws people off balance and does not allow them to decipher your thoughts and feelings easily. Through the hurt, pain and confusion, I learnt to find the beauty in optimism. Things will surely get better, take life one day at a time and focus your attention on what brings you peace. Even if you crawl, just keep moving, some movement is better than no movement.

There’s no right way to begin new seasons and end chapters, nonetheless remember to embrace change, you never know what blessing could be waiting for you at the end of your trial. Your individual strength is part of what you have to offer the world, it adds value to who you are.

Stay Strong and Stand Tall in the face of Adversity.

“You’ll never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.”

Ms Tomilola

x

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